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Hurricane I feel like I'm in the midst of a hurricane and can't see ahead. My son came over last night and we went for a drive. We came home and parked in the driveway. He cried in my arms and told me he's scared to move to Arizona and to leave his support system. He said he's the worst he's ever been in his life, which is pretty bad. He wants to move and start fresh, but he's so afraid. I learned in therapy that I'm supposed to be more open with Brent so he's not on the dark. I've been sharing more and each time I do, I regret it. But I did what I'm supposed to do and I told Brent about my son. And because he can't handle anything, he started flipping out that the plan is changing and we're never going to move to Arizona and my son makes bad decisions and I need to put my foot down and force him to move and blah blah blah... Was something lost in translation? Why is Brent such a nut? I told him again that my son wants to go, but he's so afraid. Brent, still angry, started demanding that I tell him how to make my son not scared. (How the fuck should I know? If I knew how to solve people's anxieties, I would solve both Brent's and my son's.) I tactfully told him I didn't know. He started yelling at me that we need a plan and people aren't just going to come to our door in Arizona and be a support for my son. I need to get him enrolled in classes and joining clubs and blah blah blah. He forgets that my son is unwell and is in no condition to take classes. Or that my son's social anxiety is going to keep him from joining a club. I was so mad that Brent was doing what he does (flipping out and yelling) that I did what I do (shut down and stop taking to him). These are both behaviors that we are supposed to be working on through therapy. I thought about how I needed to change my response for a few minutes and then rolled over and put my arm around him. I was going to correct myself, but before I could say anything, Brent told me that I drive him crazy and he doesn't think he can live like this anymore. I'm just so tired of this. With zero thought, I told him that maybe he should move to Arizona. I'm not going to continue to ruin his life. We're both introverts so we just laid here in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I started crying a bit, so I rolled over so that he wouldn't know. (I'm not supposed to do that) Brent probably assumed I was going to bed or shutting him out and he left the room. I hate relationships. If we don't make it through this, I need to make some changes in my future relationships. I need to quit being such a wimp about showing my feelings, quit worrying if I'm going to hurt feelings and just say what I need to say, and not take anything for granted. I need to treat each day like it's the first day we met. I need to keep sharing info, keep hugging and kissing, and not let the relationship slide. |