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I Want to Run Away I'm feeling really crabby. And I feel like my life is falling apart. Neither my son, nor Brent can handle the slightest bit of stress. Brent has been such a jerk since he got his new job. I don't think the new salary is worth his stress and attitude. There are times when I flat out don't like him and times when I love him. And this is why I can't make up my Fucking mind. He gets stressed, acts like an asshole, causes me to hate him and plan our breakup. Then suddenly he's no longer mad and acts like NOTHING ever happened. I'm still crabby, sometimes for days depending on how mean he was. I eventually forgive him and feel like things are going great because we're both happy and getting along. I start thinking that maybe we can work it out and start thinking about moving to Arizona and getting married. Inevitably, something so minor will stress him out and he'll be back to being an asshole. And the cycle continues. This has been my life for the last 6 years. Add in the ups and downs from my son's mood disorder, his panic, his PTSD, and his inability to deal with stress. Now bring the two guys together, who both operate at the end of their fuses and see what happens! I am always the mediator. I hate it so much. I'm overwhelmed because I feel like I'm at this major intersection in life. I have the choice of moving to Arizona with Brent or staying in New Jersey with my son. Brent has the house out there, so he's moving. EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE, Brent says we have to move. Our therapist told him to stop doing that because I need support while my son works through this. But he obsesses over it and cannot help himself. He gets so worked up every day about moving. My son has PTSD treatment here that is crucial he completes, so he is staying in NJ. I feel like I can't abandon him. Who will he turn to? His friends are flaky. I have saved him so many times. If I leave, who will be there to save him? But on the other hand, he's 18 and wants to do his own thing... Do I leave my son, who is currently living with his friend? Or do I leave Brent? At the end of the day, there is this instinct within me that says I HAVE to stay here for my son. He is the only person that I would give everything for. Only a parent would understand. I can't just leave him. So does that mean it's time for Brent and I to call it quits? Or do I work something out where I'm in Arizona and come to New Jersey once a month? Then there's my job. Do I get a job in New Jersey or Arizona? I've been looking for remote jobs but can't seem to find any. Brent keeps pressuring me to NOT work because he makes enough to support us. But I don't ask for money and I'm slowly going broke with all of my son's medical expenses. And by the way, I HATE paying $400 a month for my son's medical marijuana. It doesn't even last a full month. That is such BS. Street prices are so much cheaper. That is literally what I pay each month for my new car! There are days when I just want to leave all this BS behind, trade in my car for a van, and hit the road. I'd love the freedom of living in my van and traveling the US. One of the other ladies that was laid off is doing that right now. She posts pictures of all the places she goes. It seems so liberating. |