Adult ADHD
2022-06-05 - 3:02 p.m.

I love that I can log into DL years later and still see people from my buddy list have added entries. I should go back and look at my first entry. I feel like I've been on here for 20 years!

I just came outside and the weather is so damn beautiful and I feel so much at peace at this moment. I felt like I just needed to tell someone how great I'm feeling. And DL sounded like a great place to tell. I LOVE Arizona weather!

So what's happened in the past 2 years? A lot I guess. I was just diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive type) at the ripe age of 42. It all started because I saw someone's comment on Reddit, who talked about their ADHD symptoms, and I was like OMG that's me! So here I am, about 6 months later with an official diagnosis. I've only taken medication 3 times so far. For (what seems like) the first time in my life I felt like I had the energy and motivation to get stuff done. (I had some bad side effects with body numbness, so I'm not taking it right now. And who the hell knows what I've been doing all day. Nothing productive, I can guarantee that...)

So it turns out all of these characteristics that I thought made up my personality are just symptoms of ADHD. And now I'm not really sure who I am. I'm kind of in this identity crisis. One of the symptoms is having a hard times making plans and decisions. Well, Brent has been waiting patiently for 10 years for me to marry him. Honestly, part of it could be that he's just too different from me. He's so uptight, stressed out, critical, type A. And I'm so 'whatever'. He's really a dementor / energy drainer. Anyway, he gave me the ultimatum that I either needed to start my meds and make some plans to marry him, or I need to make some plans to move out. Well damn. I'm not ready to be making plans yet! But I can tell you that my job pays shit and with the market the way it is, I can't move out. So if you ask me if I'd rather be homeless or married, I guess I'll choose married. We've been together so long, I guess it wouldn't be too much of a change. We sat down together to plan, and he really did all of the planning. It's my job to find a vacation spot (but he's already looking for one). Then once we have the vacation planned, we'll make the wedding date right before that.

Part of me wonders where I'd be in life if I knew about ADHD sooner... Would I be medicated and this awesome worker that has money and isn't dependent on an energy drainer? (Brent isn't all bad. If it weren't for him, I'd be sleeping in my clothes with the lights on every night without brushing my teeth. I'd still be late for everything. I'd skip breakfast and eat a piece of cheese for dinner. Maybe he feels draining to me because doing things is draining..... And I can't really blame him for getting frustrated sometimes. But yes, other times, he can be blamed because he has enough planning, structure, anxiety, etc to make up for what I'm lacking and then some...). Well maybe next time I log in I'll be married. Hell, maybe I'll even be divorced next time I log in! haha. Until next time....

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